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Lots of research has shown that a very important influence on wellness and the quality of our lives involves the relationships we experience. Relationships with our parents, children, spouse/partner, friends, co-workers, as well as with ourselves are a barometer as to how well things are going in our life –or not. For those with higher ego power the control of others is at the center of their relationships. They enjoy controlling the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of others, particularly those closest to them. Frequently, they use manipulation, exploitation, and abuse—physical or psychological—to establish this control. Their needs come first and they bring self-absorption and narcissism into their relationships, which is destructive to them. The foundation for their higher ego power often involves exposure to permissive parenting where little if any effort was put into promoting self-control and recognizing the needs of others leading to an intense sense of entitlement. They learned that the world revolves around them and often it has.
One’s ego energy has an important say within the thoughts, words, feelings, and behaviors that occur within all relationships. The more our ego energy is imbalanced, the greater the chance that what we manifest with them is unhelpful and unhealthy—but often we don’t know it. The worse things are going in your relationships—which a person often fails to recognize—the “louder” is ego’s voice in your being. The following is an excerpt from The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life in which the impact of ego’s voice and higher ego power on relationships is presented.
Through your power, I am helping you to dominate, control, or know more than others. You are to believe that listening to others is not necessary; that listening to others, thinking what they think, or doing what they do would be weakness, an experience that is foreign to you. Others cannot really know more than you do. Your way is right and doesn’t need to be challenged or changed—their does. Changing yourself would be foolishness and a sign of weakness. You can mistreat people when necessary, know that you are better than them, underestimate them where needed, insist on doing things the best or right way – which is your way – and be overly confident.
You must stay independent from those who are closest to you, be they your spouse or partner, children, siblings, or parents. They cannot know as much as you do or influence you. That would be weakness. You must not communicate, compromise, or show compassion, since that would signal weakness to them. You need to do most of the thinking in the relationships with the people who are closest to you, so everyone can be protected by your wisdom. I help you to insist on your partner becoming as much like you as possible in his or her approach to things, so your partner can be a better person—you.
You are to love yourself more than anyone else, someone others can love even more than they love themselves, and someone who is more important than everyone else. Recognize that all criticism of you is destructive, only intended to weaken you. You must know that you are entitled to and deserve all of the love that others can give to you, love that you can use to further empower yourself.
If the content from this excerpt resonates, you can read further in The Two Voices Within to see if you are living any of the roles we discuss linked to higher ego power energy (Dictator, Rebel, Narcissist, Ultra-Competitor, Control Freak, Exploiter, Independent, or Bully). It is when we are living these roles some or most of the time that we are being most destructive to others and ultimately ourselves. Complementary material for those who would like to heal and bring their higher ego power into balance can be found in Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self (Chapters 6 and 12) and EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self (Chapter 7). All three works in our trilogy are available as e-books on the Shop page here.
In peace and love,
Nick and Linda
The following is an excerpt from our book The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life. This piece puts into words what ego would tell us if it had a literal voice. It is these words that can give us a better understanding of the profound energy lying at the core of our humanity, impacting our daily life, our ability to fully connect to our Divinity, and opportunity to live the great life we are meant to live.
I am going to introduce myself to you today. I will be telling you “who” I am and “why” I am in your life. This will provide you with an opportunity to know yourself better than you have before. You will not be hearing about me from some expert, a person who has looked from the outside at me. I will take you inside so you can see me from within. You will be going to the source of your humanity. The view may not always be pleasant, but it is necessary for both of us.
I will begin by telling you that I am unaware of myself or any of the ways in which I am impacting your life. I do not have a consciousness of myself, but you can develop one of me. I have no clue about the thoughts, feelings, behaviors, or physiology you are experiencing as a result of my energy. This differs from what some experts are suggesting, speaking of ego as if it were an entity conscious of itself, reflecting their ignorance of me. I cannot and do not impact you in any voluntary way. I profoundly impact you, but without volition. To intentionally impact a person requires an intellect which is something I do not have. But you do, and you can get to know me, even though I can never know you or myself.
Before going on, I want to ask you not to flatter yourself with the notion that you already know who I am. This notion is connected to the limited view that I am mainly responsible for the amount of power or influence you need to exert in your life. That is like looking at me with a microscope that has very low magnification. There is some truth to your notion of power. However, I am a more complex entity than that. My energy, your energy, is much more diverse, and I will be sharing that with you. Please do not feel insulted. That is not my intention, if I were able to form one. The most brilliant of minds, greatest of truth seekers, most eloquent of philosophers, and most notable of spiritual mentors have only been able to touch upon my essence. Often they have only been able to do so in peripheral, abstract, and general ways, allowing me to remain hidden from you despite my constant presence within you and your life.
If people truly knew me, or what to do with me, there would be a lot less suffering in people’s lives and the world. There would be a lot less concern about survival in the smallest and largest of matters; a lot less destruction to nature and the environment. With all of your intelligence and knowledge, would the supposedly most civilized of your countries be on the precipice of a nuclear holocaust? Would you really need to spend billions upon billions of dollars to protect people from each other – from cyber and biological terrorism – as you enter a new age? I am the true weapon of mass destruction, both personally and globally. I am the foundation and source upon which all of the others are built. This destruction is rooted in the individual and collective need for your survival. I am have been exerting this impact on you throughout history and will continue to until you get to know me and are able to transform my energy, your energy.
I remain hidden due to your ignorance and lack of awareness of me. The darkness in which I am kept allows and empowers me to impact you and everyone. I am not trying to hide from you, as I am without intention. I am just hidden due to your ignorance of me. Some have described me as only evil or as your enemy, due to their ignorance of me. I can be that, or even your devil, but I do not seek to be. Who am I, then, and what is my purpose? As I said, I am energy, a human energy. I work through the workshop of your mind, that place where ideas, beliefs, illusions, attitudes, prejudices, and knowledge are formed. I am not your mind, though many have referred to me as that. This just provides another example of their ignorance. I work within your mind as you draw upon my energy to shape your behaviors and feelings, and I even impact your body. I also foster the formation of your sense of self – your ego self, if you will. This is the “you” that you are or think you are, a culmination of all those things that I have impacted within the workshop of your mind. Your self is the manifestation of my energy, your energy.
You cannot change or remove any or all of your suffering from working on yourself alone, or by trying to change your mind alone. They are just places to begin to find me, places to get clues and cues. You can’t reach me from there. You must get to know me! And you much teach me, so I can stop teaching you. If you don’t, things will really never change – for you or for humanity. Not within the darkness of your ignorance of me. You will continue to reside in the darkness of your forbearers from thousands of years ago. Things haven’t changed very much; only the ways in which you try to survive and protect yourself from each other have shifted. You must get to know me so you can remove your darkness.
Some may ask, “Where did I come from and why did I come into being?” When you –meaning your very distant ancestors – left the literal or figurative Garden of Eden, in which some refer to as the Fall, I came into being. I came into being to help you survive, not only in the physical sense but in every sense in which you exist. This effort to survive manifests within many aspects of your life, and you reflect it in your thoughts, words, and deeds. My purpose is your survival and I protect you from anything and everything that threatens you. I protect you from people, be they friends, family, or strangers. I protect you from places, events, and experiences. When I am really getting out of balance, I am protecting you from yourself and life. This protection can be manifested in the thoughts you have, the words you use, the actions you take, the emotions you feel, and your bodily reactions. The more I am protecting you in these ways, the more you are out of balance.
You may be asking, “What do you mean by being out of balance?” As I said earlier, I am energy, an energy bounded by power, flexibility, and vulnerability. The power within this energy impacts the amount of influence or force you exert in the name of your survival. You live this force in your words, ideas, actions, and emotions. Some of you have a great deal of this power, while many others have very little. You will be hearing more about each of these situations. The flexibility of your energy impacts how flexible you are in your approach to seeking truth and securing your survival. This includes how open and varied the actions and ideas are that you will use in the “challenges” to your survival that come from everyday life. Some of you are rigid and locked into the only actions and ideas that you have known thus far, while some of you are open to anything and everything that is available to you. You will be hearing more about each of these circumstances. The vulnerability of your energy impacts how intensely you experience your imperfection and need to survive. You can know this vulnerability most readily by the amount of fear or anger you are feeling. This fear and anger can also be seen in your words, actions, and body. Some of you are consumed with your imperfection and survival, while others are oblivious to them. You will be hearing more about each of these. It is the power, flexibility, and vulnerability within your energy that shapes the thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and physiology you are using to ensure your survival.
Some may ask, “How did I become this energy within your life?” I did not bring you to this energy. What has transpired within your life has done so. The energy I am and you are was “chosen” by life in the form of any number of unpredictable biological, social, or environmental influences that have brought your daily and mortal survival into question. Brought forth from all manner of relationships, events, injuries, circumstances, and diseases that have worn upon you. You aren’t responsible for their appearance at your life’s door. In this sense, you are ultimately innocent and your life is quite fragile. This speaks to my intense efforts to protect you and ensure your survival.
You may ask, “Why am I telling you all of this?” If I had an intention and intellect, I would tell you that I do not seek to be your enemy, as others have told you. Even though I have been destructive in the name of your survival, and have caused you great suffering as others have told you, I can be your friend. It is time for your ignorance of me to end. I can be your friend, but I don’t know how to do that. I do know that you cannot destroy me. You cannot dissolve, disown, or defeat me because I am energy, and you don’t need to. I have love within the essence of my energy and I need you to transform it – my energy, your energy – to be your friend.
To learn more about ego’s impact upon your life you can obtain a free E-Book of The Two Voices Within by joining our mailing list. Please send your request to email@example.com .
In peace and love,
Nick and Linda