Tag Archives: relationships
Today’s focus is on lower ego power energy and its impact on relationships. Lower ego power weakens one’s ability to participate fully and meaningfully in significant relationships occurring in our lives—spouse/partner, parents, children, siblings, friends and ourselves. It often promotes relationships in which we are passive, submissive, and overly dependent upon others. The needs of others become far more important than our own. This sows the seeds for being manipulated, exploited, and even abused which often becomes normalized due to the frequency of its occurrence—something to be expected and deserved. The relationship with ourselves—the most important relationship—becomes poor and we often come to dislike and can even hate ourselves. Interestingly, this has nothing to do with how intelligent, attractive or wealthy you are as lower ego power can find its way into anyone’s life. Relationships with authoritarian/overly protective parents or persons are often the beginning point which often involves lots of destructive criticism that you “repeat” to yourself. You learn not to believe in or trust yourself. In response the “voice” of ego begins to speak loudly—in the name of your survival—within the “weak” thoughts, words, feelings and behaviors manifested within relationships. The following excerpt from The Two Voices Within presents the messages ego is telling the person with lower ego power, keeping them stuck in this ego energy. Messages they are listening to quite well but don’t realize it.
It is within the absence of your power that you must submit, follow, or know less than others. You must also know that listening to others is more important than listening to yourself. Listening to others, thinking what they think, and doing what they do is the means to your strength. You do not know more or better than they do. Their way is right and doesn’t need to be challenged or changed—yours does. You must mistreat yourself when necessary, knowing that you are less worthy than others; underestimate yourself; insist on doing things the way that other people want to do them; and lack confidence.
Stay dependent upon those who are closest to you, be they your spouse, partner, or close friend. You cannot know as much as they do or influence them. Fail to communicate your thoughts, always give in to their desires, and do not expect compassion from them. They need to do most of the thinking so you can be protected in their wisdom. You must become as much like your partner as possible in your approach to life, so you can be a better person—your partner.
Love others more than you can love yourself, knowing that you are less important and less significant than others. You feel safest when you are meeting the needs of others while neglecting your own. Loving others, rather than loving yourself, is the means to your daily survival, making you feel safe, protected, and able to survive. Expect less love from others and see yourself as less deserving of this love. In doing this, you are not taking the love that others want, so you can feel safe. By empowering others with your love, you can experience the power of feeling safe. However, your love is less significant, as it is coming from you. For this reason, you know your love as less desirable for others, questioning its value for them and their need for you.
If the content from this excerpt resonates you may want to read further in The Two Voices Within (Chapter 2) to see if you are living any of the roles we discuss linked to lower ego power energy (Victim, Martyr, Dependent, Depressive, Underachiever, Conformist, or Masochist). It is when living these roles some or most of the time that we are damaging relationships with others and ourselves. Complementary material for those who would like to heal and bring your lower ego power into balance can be found in Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self (Chapters 5 and 11) and EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self (Chapter 7). All three works in our trilogy are available as e-books on the Shop page here.
In peace and love,
Nick and Linda
Lots of research has shown that a very important influence on wellness and the quality of our lives involves the relationships we experience. Relationships with our parents, children, spouse/partner, friends, co-workers, as well as with ourselves are a barometer as to how well things are going in our life –or not. For those with higher ego power the control of others is at the center of their relationships. They enjoy controlling the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of others, particularly those closest to them. Frequently, they use manipulation, exploitation, and abuse—physical or psychological—to establish this control. Their needs come first and they bring self-absorption and narcissism into their relationships, which is destructive to them. The foundation for their higher ego power often involves exposure to permissive parenting where little if any effort was put into promoting self-control and recognizing the needs of others leading to an intense sense of entitlement. They learned that the world revolves around them and often it has.
One’s ego energy has an important say within the thoughts, words, feelings, and behaviors that occur within all relationships. The more our ego energy is imbalanced, the greater the chance that what we manifest with them is unhelpful and unhealthy—but often we don’t know it. The worse things are going in your relationships—which a person often fails to recognize—the “louder” is ego’s voice in your being. The following is an excerpt from The Two Voices Within: Balancing the Energies of Ego and Spirit to Enhance Your Life in which the impact of ego’s voice and higher ego power on relationships is presented.
Through your power, I am helping you to dominate, control, or know more than others. You are to believe that listening to others is not necessary; that listening to others, thinking what they think, or doing what they do would be weakness, an experience that is foreign to you. Others cannot really know more than you do. Your way is right and doesn’t need to be challenged or changed—their does. Changing yourself would be foolishness and a sign of weakness. You can mistreat people when necessary, know that you are better than them, underestimate them where needed, insist on doing things the best or right way – which is your way – and be overly confident.
You must stay independent from those who are closest to you, be they your spouse or partner, children, siblings, or parents. They cannot know as much as you do or influence you. That would be weakness. You must not communicate, compromise, or show compassion, since that would signal weakness to them. You need to do most of the thinking in the relationships with the people who are closest to you, so everyone can be protected by your wisdom. I help you to insist on your partner becoming as much like you as possible in his or her approach to things, so your partner can be a better person—you.
You are to love yourself more than anyone else, someone others can love even more than they love themselves, and someone who is more important than everyone else. Recognize that all criticism of you is destructive, only intended to weaken you. You must know that you are entitled to and deserve all of the love that others can give to you, love that you can use to further empower yourself.
If the content from this excerpt resonates, you can read further in The Two Voices Within to see if you are living any of the roles we discuss linked to higher ego power energy (Dictator, Rebel, Narcissist, Ultra-Competitor, Control Freak, Exploiter, Independent, or Bully). It is when we are living these roles some or most of the time that we are being most destructive to others and ultimately ourselves. Complementary material for those who would like to heal and bring their higher ego power into balance can be found in Ego Therapy: A Method for Healing Your Whole Self (Chapters 6 and 12) and EgoSpiritualism: Awakening to Your Human and Divine Self (Chapter 7). All three works in our trilogy are available as e-books on the Shop page here.
In peace and love,
Nick and Linda
We have all heard the phrase “seeing the big picture.” A phrase which generally means being able to see and understand most, if not all, of what is taking place in the ‘big picture.’ The big picture can involve work, relationships, parenting, health, conflict, stress, ourselves, and so many more aspects of life. Regardless of what it involves the one main idea connected to it is truth—human and Divine. Each truth brings us to all we need to see, hear, or know, not just our preferences or what allows us to feel good, which often makes it difficult to find. Truth and seeing the big picture is often painful at first because it takes us out of our comfort zone. It can be so much easier to embrace faulty beliefs, particularly if we are unable to recognize them as such. Fortunately, truth—human and Divine, if we can awaken to them, ultimately leads us to joy, peace, and happiness as it is in alignment with the Great life we are meant to live.
Unfortunately, keeping distance from truth, no matter how comfortable, often resigns us by default into living within the “little picture”, something we often fail to realize. The more pain you experience and the greater the number of places it is occurring, the more likely you are living within the little picture. This little picture often gives us less rather than more out of life and ourselves. Even though we are good, intelligent and well-meaning persons with the Love, Life, and Energy—God Is, woven into our being. Distance from truth intensifies as power, flexibility, or vulnerability issues in our ego energy lead us unknowingly into the land of faulty beliefs, desired or undesired. We become intensely locked into the little picture as egoic illusions which form its boundaries crystallize. These illusions of separation, inequality, unworthiness, and others serve to distance us from our humanity and Divinity. They often lead unknowingly into being inhumane toward ourselves, others, or both. Often failing to see what is really taking place and the big picture.
So what can one do to move beyond the little picture and begin seeing the big picture? A big picture in which you are living the best version of yourself and the Great life you are meant to live. The first, most difficult, and most important step is to be willing to see how you are getting it wrong—humanly—before getting it right. Owning what one needs to own opens many doors to getting to one’s own truth—human and Divine, not someone else’s, and certainly not the faulty versions of them coming from one’s imbalanced ego energy. This involves recognizing how your ego energy is shaping your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and physiology, keeping you at a distance from seeing the big picture. From the perspective of Ego, Spirit & You we have all been there. The next step is the easy one. You already are a spiritual being and don’t need to become one. If you weren’t you could not exist—nothing could! The Divine Truth woven into your being awaits your full embrace when being the Love, Life, and Energy you are and will lead you to see the big picture and the Great life you were meant to live!
In peace and love,
Nick and Linda